Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize