my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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