So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
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There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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