why im i the only drunk person in the library?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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