remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if only i could text you this smell
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize