I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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