I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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