i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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