This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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