Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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