You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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