You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
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I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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