Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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