its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
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I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
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I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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