what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
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You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
is it fun? or sober?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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