Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
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I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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