Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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