I'm jealous of your bromance
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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