): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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