I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So much Jack, so little girl.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize