You're so nebulous sometimes
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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