How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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