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You just made me feel so damn special
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Randomize
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