Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am puke
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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