census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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