I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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