Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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