I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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