She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize