two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize