I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
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Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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