I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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