This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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