margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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