i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize