so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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