Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize