I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize