is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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