You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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