You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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