Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
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Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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