I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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