i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize