My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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