Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
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You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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