I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize