Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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