The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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