her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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